I met Kevin when I started at Kendall in July of 2009. Once
he moved past whispering STD symptoms in my ear as he walked by my desk and
making fun of one item of my clothing on a daily basis, our friendship soon
evolved to discussing music. Just kidding, Kevin has never stopped making fun
of my outfits and everything else about me LOL what a fun friend!
You may remember Kevin from such hits as:
Completely unrelated but there's no way I couldn't include that video. Also everyone should know that the first time I saw Kevin drink scotch, he ordered a scotch and Coke. Scotch and Coke. I didn't think our friendship would make it through that.
Anyway... when Kevin first asked what type of music I listen to, I
think I told him something along the lines of
Emo, Screamo, Q101 circa 1998-2001 and gave him some examples like Saves
the Day, Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard, Jack's Mannequin, etc. He said he could
work with that and that he would make me an amazing CD. I love being introduced
to new music so I was totally on board. Soon I received the very first Best CD
Ever. And it was the most emo thing I've ever heard in my entire life. It was
basically just Damien Rice, Ray Lamontagne, and Death Cab for Cutie crying for
an hour. I thought I was already listening to emo but I didn't even know what that genre meant until this CD. When you listen to this CD all the way through it's
pretty much like The Ring - except instead of being killed by a decrepit girl
with gross hair you just kill yourself.
As we further discussed music, Kevin's mixtapes got better
and better. I think we're now at Best CD Ever Volume 7. I owe him so much for
introducing me to life changing songs and bands. He puts so much thought and effort into these CDs. The other incredible thing
about these mixtapes is the commentary Kevin provides. Everyone stop what
you're doing right now and call Kevin to tell him to quit his job and become a full-time music reviewer. His number is 985-655-2500. Below is a collection of his greatest, weirdest, funniest,
and/or most offensive reviews.
The Drought by Horse Feathers - The most lyrical and folky way to say it's hot as hell outside. You will find yourself singing this song while taking the elevator with [awkward coworker].
This Empty Northern Hemisphere by Gregory Alan Isakov – GAI is my son, I don’t know how that works
but he is. He is our age. Why is he so much cooler than us?
Heavy Feet by Local Natives – Another great song by Local Natives. They just shit out good songs like
it's nothing.
Kaki King – Before the
year is over I will have sex with her and her guitar. I never liked guitar
solos until I heard her. She doesn't even need lyrics to give the song
important meaning. And she sucks at singing so it works out for everyone.
I Remember by Damien Rice - “Oh this is a nice song, what a nice way to end a CD. Oh wow this girl
has a nice voice too, oh look, it's Damien singing now, how nice, this is so
….........OH MY GOD. AHHHHHHHHHH! Why are my ears being raped? Why is he
screaming? Why is my heart racing? Am I on coke?” The answer is yes, yes you
are.
Airplanes by Local Natives – After going to their concert my life changed. Water tasted different,
stealing people's iphones on the CTA was more rewarding, it was a life altering
experience.
Two Coins by City and Colour – I've
literally never even heard all of this song. I just play the beginning and
rewind it. That's how good this song is. Warning: do not walk down the street
while playing this song. You will strut ...and put on a cowboy hat.
Piece of Your Pie by Snowmine – This is a love or hate song. But don't take it too seriously. You may
hate it at first, hear it again, and then make it your wedding song.
Beach Song by Seryn –
This song is like being smacked in the face with a trapper keeper. I am going
to play this song as my wife is in labor and the baby comes out.
Warning Sign by Local Natives – It takes 2 seconds to learn the lyrics. Do it, run to your nearest Ruby
Tuesday and shout it out. Get people to join you and march down the street. I'm
pretty sure this song is the cure for AIDS.
Kevin Lamar, everyone. [Applause and standing ovation]. If musicians knew what they were doing they'd quote Kevin right on the front of the album. Instant 9845137081362% increase in sales.
Can't wait for Best CD Ever Volume 46!
