Best Of: Teacher Evaluations

For those of you who aren't aware, I taught Public Speaking at the University of Illinois during my two years of grad school and for a year at Triton College right after I finished my MA. In total it was 14 never-boring sections of very diverse students. I LOVE teaching. It’s challenging and really time consuming but also very rewarding and always equips you with an unending supply of ridiculous stories.

Like that time one of my freshman managed to tip his entire desk over and go crashing to the floor in the middle of lecture. I’ve never seen anyone’s face turn redder. Or the time a student’s mom called me to explain why her college-aged son wasn’t able to complete his homework on time. Or like the time my student came to class without any shoes on. Apparently the night before he had been through a little hazing at the frat he just joined and couldn’t find his shoes in the morning. But he did not want to miss my class so he walked to campus without his shoes. I made him give an impromptu speech about why he didn’t have shoes ...it actually turned out to be a pretty inspiring speech.

Unfortunately I’m not currently teaching because there are very few full-time positions available and adjunct positions pay next to nothing with no insurance/benefits. At least I’ve found other positions in higher ed where I still get to work with students. But I definitely don’t get to bond as much with the students and don’t come away with a new crazy story every single day (just every other day J).  

As you probably all remember, at the end of the semester students fill out evaluations of the instructor and the course. I’m happy to report that overall I’ve received sincere, flattering, and encouraging evals from my students.  I appeared on U of I’s “Teachers Ranked As Excellent By Their Students” all 4 semesters teaching there. Yeah, maybe I’m bragging a little ...but I put a lot of effort into my teaching and it’s good to know it pays off. Which brings me to the main point of this post: I’ve saved the best and funniest of my teacher evaluations. I figure it’s a good idea to save the really good ones if I ever apply for a teaching position again. Here’s an example of a standard eval I’ve received:

But then I have a handful of hilarious ones I've saved because they make me laugh every time I read them. Here's one that really highlights the strenghts and weaknesses of my teaching:



Maybe I can use this at my next job interview.

Interviewer: What would you say is one of your weaknesses?

Me: Well, I am just too darn nice. It's been a challenge going through life being too nice but I've managed to overcome this weakness by throwing in some bitchyness every once in a while.

Did I mention that the Course Director reviews all the evals before they are passed along to the instructor? Keep in mind that the Course Director is an incredibly sweet woman in her 70s. My evals can't even be the most inappropriate and I just imagine the look on her face while reading comments like "she DOMINATES."

I think this next student may have liked me just a little.

 Finally, I'll leave you with my all-time favorite eval which really just says it all when it comes to Public Speaking.

Food With Dumb Names Udderly Piss Me Off

One of my biggest pet peeves is when restaurants give really lame, stupid, corny names to items on their menu. I don’t want to feel like an idiot ordering food. I get very crabby when obstacles get in the way of me and food. If a menu item makes me embarrassed to say it outloud to another human being then it shouldn’t be named that.

There are some establishments out there that are skating on thin ice but don’t quite cross the line. Although it makes me feel a little dumb to order a Bacon Turkey Bravo at Panera, it’s not enough to rob me of the gloriousness that is bacon, turkey, gouda, and whatever the hell Bravo sauce is, on tomato basil bread.  Then when it’s time for dessert, why I need to ask the cashier for a Chocolate Chipper is beyond me. So unnecessary, Panera. I will continue to just ask for a chocolate chip cookie. I think they’ll know what I mean. When I go to Jimmy John’s it makes my skin crawl a bit but I can manage to spit out the words “I’ll have a Big John.” Yeah they could have made my life easier and called it a Roast Beef Sub but I’ll get over it. No, what I’m referring to in this post are the names that are so heinous it makes me want to barf fire on a pile of kittens¹.

¹ Credit for the phrase “barf fire on kittens” given to: Hertko, Kristin (2011).

Let me give you some examples of items that make my face turn red having to say these words to a cashier/server. Jamba Juice offers a smoothie called Mango-a-go-go. There is not a chance I would walk up to the register and say “I’d like a Mango-a-go-go please” no matter how badly I want their delicious mango passionfruit juice pineapple sherbet beverage. I am forced to live my life without it because they couldn’t just call it a Mango Smoothie. Another great example is Moons Over My Hammy at Denny’s. Even in an extremely intoxicated state (which is the only way I would find myself at a Denny’s) there is no possibility I could get my mouth to form the words “I’ll take the Moons Over My Hammy.” Sure, I’m wasted and would love nothing more than to consume a ham, egg, and cheese sandwich with a side of hashbrowns but I guess I’ll have to live without it. Thanks for nothing, Denny’s.

My all-time most hated menu item is courtesy of Oberweis Dairy. Brace yourselves. They offer a blended coffee drink called the Udderly Mocha Moo Cooler. Ahhhhh. It’s so horrible. Not only do I have to say “udderly” instead of “utterly” but I also have to say the words “moo cooler.” Yes, I want a frozen treat. Yes, I would love to drink a scrumptious mixture of coffee, chocolate, and icecream. Yes, I would love to consume 760 calories through a straw. But I would rather shove sharp tacks in my eyes while listening to country music surrounded by birds than walk up to the counter and request an “Udderly Mocha Moo Cooler.”  Just in case you’re wondering, there’s another one called the Pina Cowlada Moo Cooler. Whoever created these products is laughing him/herself to sleep because idiots are actually saying these words outloud.

The exception to the stupid, corny names is Pet Grooming and/or Boarding establishments. I don’t know why, but in this specific instance, the lamer the better. They crack me up and I love them. Let me share some of the best I’ve come across:

Central Bark Doggy Daycare

DoGone Fun Dog Daycare

Paws-A-Tively Pet Grooming

WigglyVille Pet Boutique

Bone’Jour Pet Salon

Citizen Canine Bed & Breakfast for Dogs

and my #1 favorite ...wait for it...

Barker & Meowsky: A Paw Firm

Bwahahahaha! How can you not LOVE those?

PUPPY PUPPY PUPPY: Cuteness Overload

Chuck and Amber got a new puppy on Saturday. He is a Yorkie and Maltese mix, or a Morkie. And he’s damn cute:

Meet New Puppy Kagan

He is only 10 weeks old and was flown in from Iowa. Chuck and Amber wanted to meet him before settling on a name. I suggested Guinness because his body is the color of Guinness and the lighter fur on his face and paws look like the foam on top. Shaun suggested Chewy (as in Chewbaca) which I thought would be adorable. Chuck and Amber decided on Kagan, as in Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan who was their Harvard Law School Dean. I’m just glad Amber didn’t allow Chuck’s first choice of Spike.

Before I talk too much about the new pup, I have to pay homage to Amber’s first dog, Eli:

Eli knows how to cheer me up!

I call him Cheesecake because of Eli’s Cheesecake. For a while Amber was very confused as to why I was calling her dog this as she has never lived anywhere that carries Eli’s Cheesecakes. I have spent lots of time with Eli over the years and have dogsat several times.  Eli is the best! First of all, he is a Maltese but is gigantic – he’s a little chunky but mostly he’s just BIG. He is about 15 pounds which is quite large for that breed. Eli has the funniest personality. He loves to flop on his back for belly rubs. For some reason he likes jumping in and out of bathtubs (I think to try and drink from the faucet). Every single time you try to put his leash on he runs to slurp down some water like he needs to hydrate just in case this walk ends up being a 20 mile journey through the desert. One thing Eli does just for me is an acrobat routine on the couch: when I come over he tries to climb to the highest point on the couch, first standing on the arm then trying to stand on the skinny back of the couch. Usually I have to catch him from falling off. I think he is just trying to be the same height as me or something. Eli is also afraid of going up most stairs. So weird. He is fine on Chuck and Amber’s front stairs but he refuses to go up their back stairs or the stairs at my apartment. He will dig his heels in with all his weight and won’t budge until you pick him up and carry him up 3 flights of stairs. He is quite a character and I love him so much! Even with the new puppy, Eli will not get any less affection and attention!


Eli next to the Eli Cake that Amber made

 Now, more on new pup Kagan. He is so tiny!! He will get to be about 7 lbs. but right now he is only about 2.5 lbs. I went to see him on Saturday and I think he was very exhausted from his trip and very nervous. He hardly moved; he just wanted to find a warm place and sleep. He was sitting next to me while I pet him and his eyes kept closing until he totally fell over. He fell asleep sitting up. Adorable!

I stopped over again on Sunday to see him and he was a little more active. He was following Eli around and exploring the house more. So far Eli is pretending he doesn’t exist but hopefully they will become friends soon. I think Eli will like him as long as Kagan knows Eli is the boss.  I can’t wait to visit Kagan again soon. Hopefully he’ll be more comfortable in his new home and more playful.

I want a doggy so bad but right now it’s not an option since my apartment doesn’t allow dogs. Hopefully I can make it happen sometime in the near future. For now I’m glad I have lots of loving dogs in my life to borrow some playtime with J Shout out to some of my faves: Lucky, Eli, Kagan, Astro, Margo, Corona, Cody, Kinley, Layla, and Carson. Thanks for your unconditional love and always making me smile!