I'm The Authority On Scary Movies

October is the bees knees, the cat's pajamas, and lots of other old-timey sayings that mean it's the best. Amazing Fall weather, pumpkin spice lattes, cute boots, and my favorite holiday: Halloween.  And Halloween means an influx of scary movies in the theater and on TV. What horror movies will you choose to watch this season? How will you decide? Let me help guide you.

My horror movie credentials date back to grade school. Anytime my mom went out of town, my dad would rent scary movies for me, him, and my brother to watch while eating his famous chili. Which we later found out was pre-made Market Day chili. THE LIES! Anyway, I'll save that traumatizing revelation for another post.

I can't remember for sure what the first scary movie was that I watched but my earliest memory is Halloween. We went through “classics” like the Puppet Master series, Hellraiser, and Pumpkinhead.  We tried The Exorcist but about 1/3 of the way through my dad saw the looks on our faces and turned it off. But since those early days my love of scary movies hasn't wavered. I'll pretty much watch anything in the genre no matter how horrible it looks, becuase you know what? Sometimes awesomely bad horror movies are actually the best. So listen to my recommendations because I'm a self-declared expert, which is the expertiest kind of expert. Now is the perfect season to cuddle up under some cozy blankets in the dark and rewatch some classics and discover new favorites.

Disclaimer: It's insanely hard for me to narrow down this list. I am trying to stick with straight horror movies – I get that Silence of the Lambs, Alien, etc. are incredible movies but I'd categorize those more as thriller and sci-fi than horror. I also realize that you may not agree with my list and I’d love to hear your favorites. I tried to choose the movies that significantly shaped my view of the horror genre and genuinely scared the sh*t out of me.

Halloween

As I mentioned, the first scary movie I remember watching. Michael Myers is such a simple and emotionless yet horrifyingly deranged pure-evil bad guy. Just when you think he might be down for good ...he's most definitely not.

Dawn of the Dead

My fave type of scary movie is one that can also be humorous and sometimes campy (e.g. Evil Dead, Drag Me to Hell, Zombieland). This movie captures that element perfectly which is why it’s my absolute favorite horror movie. And to be totally honest, I actually like the 2004 remake better – The opening sequence and Ty Burrells’s character are awesome.

Psycho

My first Hitchcock film experience. This movie proves you don’t need a huge budget to be truly suspenseful and frightening. And is there a more infamous horror movie scene than the Psycho shower scene? P.S. Let’s not talk about the remake.

 Poltergeist

“They're heeeeere”  So much creepiness in this movie including a clown <<shudder>>. And the scares are pretty much non-stop. It’s the ultimate haunted house movie.

Saw

So let’s ignore the all the ridiculous sequels (yes, I’ve seen them all). I know a lot of people hate this series, but when I watched the original I left thinking the movie was like nothing I had ever seen before. It’s scary and gory and questions what you would do to stay alive. And I for one did not see that twist ending coming at all.

Nightmare on Elm Street

Freddy is a superbly original character with a face and voice you won’t soon forget. Your dreams aren’t supposed to follow you into the waking world but here they do; a world where if you die in your dreams you actually die. Plus the song is just so dang catchy. One, two, Freddy’s coming for you…

The Shining

This movie has so many amazingly frightening elements: Jack Nicholson’s perfect portrayal of Jack Torrence, super creepy children, blood flowing from elevators, Shelly Duvall’s droopface.  Just brilliant. Bonus: the book is really good so read it.

The Descent

Even if you’re not claustrophobic or afraid of the dark, you will be during this movie. Great ratio of suspense and gore. And not to get too feminist but I really like that this movie’s main characters are all female – most of whom kicked ass instead of just running and screaming. A rare and welcome occurrence for horror movies.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Just so damn disturbing. Ugh the scene where Sally is forced to dine with the family is absolutely terrifying. Or when Leatherface sledgehammers Kirk then just slams the door closed. Bone-chilling. And the meat hooks, oh the meat hooks. Yikes.

28 Days Later

Danny Boyle’s vision of the zompocalypse is epic. Is there a scarier scenario than waking from a coma to find the world deserted? But wait, it’s not deserted, it’s full of zombies. Fast zombies. Which is probably what ranks this movie to so high – no slow, lumbering zombies here, the 28 Days Later zombies are on a mission.

The Mist

This movie does a great job of capturing a sense of fear and panic. Regardless of the rest of the movie, which I still really like, it’s worth it just for the ending. Best ending ever.

The Exorcist

This is the one and only horror movie that actually gives me nightmares. To this day I can’t get through this movie. Even hearing the theme music makes my skin crawl. I don’t vote it as the best horror film but without a doubt it is the all-time scariest. Watch if you dare.

Really there are so many more that I love, it was so hard to cut down this list to a reasonable number but these are my very top choices.  So stop being such a baby and start crossing some of these films off the list! Then let's discuss them because I really like doing that. If you need a scary movie buddy I’d be happy to watch with you, tell you that everything is going to be ok, and check under your bed for monsters afterward.