A JOURNEY (see what I did there?) of Epic Proportions

I don’t want you guys to think I’m all emo or something -- even though I do wear a lot of black eyeliner and frequently sweep my bangs out of my eyes. And feelings, I have so many of them. So to counteract the last post about the worst days of my life, I wanted to post about one of the best weekends of all time in the history of the universe.

On July 30, 2011, I attended an event that was the perfect storm of friends, beer, magic, Honda Pilots,  unicorns, rainbows, and bands from the 70s culminating in the most glorious night. This event was the Journey/Foreigner concert. What follows is one of the most epic tales ever told.

The whole Journey/Foreigner gang

The day started by congregating at Olivia and Drew’s apartment. Olivia whipped up some delicious alcoholic smoothies providing us with the essential nutrients and vitamins needed for the adventure ahead. It was soon time to pile into the Honda Pilot that Carson borrowed from his mom so that we could all drive to Tinley Park together. Yes, we were riding in style. I had prepared an All Foreigner/Journey iPod mix for the road trip that quickly got us pumped for what lie ahead.

As we neared the venue, we decided to grab a bite to eat. I quickly shot down White Castle (seriously, who eats White Castle sober??) and we pulled into Culvers. Actually we pulled into the "exit only" lane of Culvers because Mike's excitement for the concert resulted in a complete disregard for the rules of the road. Maybe it was the energy I gained from my butter burger, maybe it’s because I had heard Hot Blooded no less than 80 times that week, but it was in the Culver’s parking lot that I bestowed to everyone what would become our anthem for the evening: The Honda Pilot Song. You really can’t capture the magic of this song by typing it out (I’d be happy to sing it to you in person!) but basically it goes to Foreigner’s Hot Blooded and you just throw in the words “Honda Pilot” as many times as possible.

We arrived at First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre, and cracked open the cooler of delicious Coors Light. Considering beers are $11 a piece inside, we wanted to have a few under our belts before heading in. We were soon informed by the 17 year old security guards that we were not allowed to tailgate. However, they apparently had no problem with us sitting inside the car and drinking. Fine by us, the interior of the Honda Pilot is luxurious. Vicki provided us with a delightful game of Liquor Grab Bag where we all got to pull an airplane bottle of liquor from a bag and drink whatever we pulled. A little after 6pm we were feeling good and it was time to venture into the venue.

We headed to the lawn area and claimed a great spot to throw down our blankets. As we waited for the show to begin, we realized we had entered the greatest people watching experience of our lives. Between the scantily clad cougars, security guard with an extraordinary ponytail, tannest women who ever lived, and the ultimate headbanger, it was endless entertainment.

That hair looked amazing as he headbanged throughout the night.

And then it was time to rock! Night Ranger kicked things off with a song we surprisingly kind of knew other than Sister Christian. Night Ranger did have a challenge filling their 15 minute time slot and had to resort to playing a Damn Yankees song to take up some time. Of course they ended things with a bang and just absolutely nailed Sister Christian.  ¯ ...MOTORIN’... ¯ 

Now it was time to get our game faces on. We had been waiting with great anticipation since the tickets were purchased in April.  We were about to see Foreigner and Journey live!!  I can’t say enough good things about Foreigner. I’m a bigger Journey fan, but I’ll admit that Foreigner rocked slightly harder. They listened to our request to play the Honda Pilot song which brought a lot of joy to us.  They ended with an unbelievable, life changing performance of Juke Box Hero that rocked our faces off.

Rocking so hard.

Journey mistakenly played a couple songs from their new album, but overall the set was phenomenal and I’m surprised that any of us had a voice left after screaming lyrics to song after song. Of course I love me some Steve Perry, but Pineda did not disappoint -- that adorable little Filipino killed it. We had thoroughly rocked and the lights went down. But was that the end? No! As Carson put it, “Journey rocked so hard they exploded into a supernova at the end of the set... Then came back as humans and played an encore.”  Journey ended with the upbeat crowd-pleaser Any Way You Want It, and it was exactly the way we wanted it.

Journey explosion.

 The concert was everything I had hoped for and more. We piled back into the Honda Pilot and started our trek back to Olivia and Drew’s. Carson had previously set ground rules for the person who sat shotgun and Drew did not let us down managing to moon multiple limos on the way home. Upon getting home, Olivia, being the amazing hostess that she is, provided us with hummus, pizza rolls, and perogies. It was a delicious feast of drunk treats that was a perfect end to the evening.

Because this was one of the best weekends of all time, the awesomeness didn’t end Saturday night. I’ll admit we were all a little worried about what Sunday would bring. Where did we go from here? What was there to look forward to anymore? But our concerns were quickly put to rest. There was reason to go on!  We all awoke to the majestic scene of a blond angel (aka Carson) bequeathing unto us Dunkin Donuts Coffee, donut holes, eggs, and an extremely excessive amount of bacon. The weekend is definitely going down as one of the best ever.

Don’t stop believin’.

Honda Pilot 4 life.

Worst Days of My Life

Today I’m going to share with you the worst days of my entire life. Actually a majority of that statement was false. First, these are “funny” worst days of my life, let’s not get into anything too serious here on ATIACF (Yay abbreves! Can’t believe that’s the first time I’ve used that). Second, I can’t say these are from my “entire life.” My memory is really bad so it’s more like whatever random stuff I can think of from the past few years.

1.  Taking the GRE

Taking the GRE will make you feel really dumb. I don't like feeling dumb because I am always right. When I decided I wanted to go to grad school, I quickly realized I was going to have to take the GRE. I wasn’t worried about the writing or verbal reasoning sections, those were painless. But the other portion of the test is Quantitative Reasoning (arithmetic, algebra, geometry, and data analysis). I had to take one stats class in undergrad, other than that I hadn’t worried about math since high school. Luckily I had this video to help me prepare:

Everyone knows that I am a worrier, so it’s no surprise that on test day I was unbelievably anxious even though I had studied really hard. The math portion of the test is adaptive – so if you keep getting questions right the questions get harder, if you answer wrong then questions get easier.  So I didn’t feel too confident when I saw the question 2 + 2 = ? come up. Just kidding, but the math portion did make me very uncomfortable and I probably have never been more nervous in my life. All in all not a fun day. But the story has a happy ending because I got into my first choice grad school and am now a Master of Everything ...or of Interpersonal Communication.

2.  AΔφ Canoe Trip 2003

While I was excited for friends, drinking, canoeing, and fun, I already had a fairly pessimistic attitude for the weekend given that I hate camping.  I tend to get crabby if I have to spend time outdoors while the weather is anything outside of the range 68-78 degrees.  I also despise peeing outside.  The trip started off on a high note: as we drove to the campsite, we passed poor Bambi lying mangled and dead in road.  Don’t worry, CT told me the cute little deer was just taking a nap. For the second year in a row it rained all night and our tent definitely did not keep all the water out so that’s pretty miserable. Then we awoke to find that all the food and beer we had purchased for the weekend was stolen out of the cooler we left right outside the tent. LAME. As usual, me and camping just do not get along.

3.  Spider. Bed. Eeek.

My parents' house is notorious for spiders. My parents live on a lake and the spider population is rampant. Usually they stick to the basement and leave other parts of the house alone. Usually they are of normal size and I can kill them no problem. But sometimes they are gigantic and have nasty super thick legs and are so gross I want to die.  One Summer night I came home after a night out with friends. I got ready for bed, pulled back the sheets, AND THERE WAS THE BIGGEST SPIDER I’VE EVER SEEN WAITING FOR ME. A huge spider. In my bed. Waiting for me.  I stacked up about 184 tissues cause there’s no way I wanted to feel any of the nasty creature when I grabbed it and smushed it. I never took my eyes off the thing because I knew if it scurried away and I couldn’t find it, I’d never be able to sleep in my room again. I stood there staring down the spider for at least 10 minutes, trying to work up the courage to grab it. I kept being like “Ok. One ...two ...three... go!” But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was way too scary. My dad was very pleased to be woken up at 2am to go kill a spider.

4. Easter Morning 2011

The Saturday night before Easter, I went out. Hard. Having a roomie that works at a bar can be trouble. Rooms says she can tell how drunk I am when I come to visit her by how high my voice gets. According to her, that night I sounded something like this:

Needless to say, I paid for it the next day. On Easter, I’m always in charge of dying eggs. I hard boiled them the previous day but I didn’t have to be out to my parent’s house until the afternoon (and I was anxious to meet friends out) so I figured I would just dye them Sunday morning. Big mistake. Because I wanted to die Sunday morning.  It was a “I’m never ever drinking again” kind of morning. I finally forced myself out of bed around 11am because I didn’t have a choice - I had to take care of the eggs and get ready to go out to the burbs. Dying eggs was a challenge and quite inefficient as I had to stop every few minutes to run to the bathroom and barf. I managed to get the eggs dyed and throw myself together right before my brother and sister-in-law picked me up. But then things went from bad to worse. I had planned to just nap in the backseat and try to feel a little better. However, Chuck and Amber had decided to give Eli a bath that morning and he wasn’t dry yet. Guess what doesn’t make a hungover person feel better? Wet dog smell. But wait, there’s more. The other dog, Kagan, doesn’t do well on car trips and he spent a good portion of the trip throwing up. Guess what makes a hungover person feel the worst ever? Wet dog smell + thrown up dog food smell. It was the most excruciating car ride of my life.

There you have it. You should probably feel pretty good about yourself right now since these things didn't happen to you.  

Best Commercials in the History of Television. Ever.

Ok that title may be a bit of an overstatement. Which is odd because I never exaggerate.

Most of the time we are trying to avoid commercials by flipping channels or DVRing, but every once in a while a commercial comes along that you actually try not to avoid. This is by no means a comprehensive list, just a complication of some of my favorite funny commercials that have stuck with me from the last few years (and that I also constantly quote, and usually no one knows what I'm talking about ...which is pretty standard).

Burger King - I'm Spicy/What Time Is It?
Burger King has a pretty great history of commercials. I really enjoyed the ones featuring The King being a creepster. But my favorite round of BK ads were with the office crew circa 2004. Some even featured my husband, Joel McHale! These 2 are tied for ones I quote the most:

Burger King - What Time Is It? (2004) 0:30 (USA)

Sonic - Driving Me to the Movies!
Sonic also has a great repertoire of commercials. Most of the car ones are fantastic and I especially love this one:

Honda Element - I Peench!
I don't know why I like that little crab so much, but I do. You know, I've got some melted butter and some tongs in here...

Sonic the Hedgehog - Real Hedgehog Being Directed
It's so adorable. The best part is when the guy yells at the hedgehog with the megaphone.

Those are the ones that came to mind right now. I'm sure I'll think of some others later. Feel free to share some of your favorites!

P.S. Sorry for neglecting the blog lately. I’ve actually had a ton of work to do at work -- crazy, I know. Anyway, I’ll try to be better, I promise. I love you all. Cheese fries 4 life. 

Elevator Etiquette

From the girl that brought you Bus Stop Etiquette comes the newest edition to doing things the best way possible: Elevator Etiquette.

I work on the 8th floor (top floor) of my building. I take the elevator every day when I come in and when I go home. I tend to take it throughout the day if I have to travel more than 3 flights of stairs. I am astounded at the complete lack of elevator etiquette that I have witnessed here. Below is a list of common offenses and my rules for proper elevator behavior. If you are guilty of any of these acts I hope you know what a dickweed you are and please expect very dirty looks from me if we are ever in an elevator together.

1.  Talking on phone:  First of all, I guess I’m impressed that your phone continues to have a signal while riding the elevator. But can’t you just tell the person on the other end to hold on for a minute or that you’ll call them right back? It’s especially rude when the elevator is packed and you’re all standing shoulder to shoulder. Elevators are small and you are now talking directly in my face. I don’t need to be trapped in a small space with you forced to listen to how your cat is having a bad day and your color preference of post-it notes.

2.  Taking the elevator 1 flight: If you have access to the stairwell in your building then make use of it.  Especially if you’re going down. I mean, come on.  I love modern technology, but that other cool invention, the flippin' stairs, are right over there.  Obviously this is excluding certain situations such as someone on crutches or someone carrying a shitload of stuff (if it’s a shitload of cupcakes, give me one!).   We only have 3 elevators for the whole building. I won’t ever get into the fact that a majority of the time one of them is out of service. I’m on the 8^th floor, I have dibs. During peak times, the wait for an elevator can be 5-10 minutes (hey, that’s long in elevator waiting time) because all you jerkfaces are taking it for one floor.

3.  Sticking your arm (or other body part) in a closing door: Yes, yes, I know you are very important and couldn’t possibly wait for the next one. You have to go ahead and thrust your chicken wing in the door right before it shuts. I guess part of me thinks you’re brave because our elevators are not very responsive. I’ve almost lost a limb trying to hold it for one of you buttheads hustling to make it into this particular elevator. I think the rule should be that if the doors are more than halfway closed, just let it go, man. You didn’t make it in time and you’re just going to have to wait for the next one instead of putting my day on hold.

4.  Holding the elevator open to ask if it’s going up or down: Your lack of proper elevator etiquette has found yet another way to prevent me from getting back up to my desk and the exciting world of financial aid. I bet the guy who came up with the idea to have light-up arrows on elevators is rolling over in his grave right now because it’s going to waste. Just look at the damn arrows. If the doors open and you see it’s going in the direction you want, then jump on in and join us. If it’s not the direction you want, don’t worry, yours will be along soon. Don’t stand in the doorway like an idiot saying, “Oh hey guys. How is everyone’s day going? Lovely weather, isn’t it? How ‘bout them Cubs? Oh, by the by, is this going up or down? Ohhhh, it’s going up? That’s not what I wanted at all. Glad I’ve managed to keep you from where you’re headed because I didn’t glance at those bright arrows in front of my idiot face telling me exactly which direction this elevator was traveling.”

5.  Holding the door open to finish your conversation: It really amazes me the number of times I’ve experienced this. You’re in the elevator with a group of people, 2 of whom are having a conversation. Person 1 steps off at their floor. They aren’t quite done talking so they could either both get off together to continue or say something like “I’ll give you a call later, we’ll discuss this more” as the doors are shutting and Person 2 continues on to their floor. That’s what normal, considerate people do, right? Instead the two of them proceed to hold the doors open and continue their conversation. Please, by all means, take your time. Why don’t you guys play out a damn game of Risk right between the doors.  I have nothing better to do than stand in this metal box going nowhere while you two carry out your conversation!!!

Hopefully no one that reads my blog is guilty of any of this terrible elevator behavior. If you do, we probably aren’t that good of friends anyway and you are quite welcome for making you a better person.

Finally, don’t be tempted to do this either:

"It looks like a Christmas tree."

Living in the Music Past

Several months ago, I attended a wedding in Champaign and shared a hotel room with some friends. While lying in our beds that Friday night discussing our favorite bands, the best song of all time, etc., Drew and I decided we were musical soul mates. I already like Drew, mostly because he laughs really hard at all my jokes, but this conversation cemented my appreciation for him. Basically we both whole-heartedly agree that there should have never been another song made after 2002. We both love classic rock and anything on Q101 from about 1996-2002.

Music during this time period really meant something to me and it just seemed so cool. I remember taping favorites from Q101’s top 9 at 9 to make some amazing mix tapes. Maybe it was because I was an angsty teenager and was all like “how do these bands know exactly how I’m feeling?” Or maybe music was just better back then.  I used to spend hours online (I can still hear the dial-up connection...) for every piece of information available on these bands. I remember when Q101’s Twisted Christmas was the greatest event of the year where you could see bands like Cake, Foo Fighters, Garbage, Beck, Filter, Disturbed, Third Eye Blind, Oasis, Deftones, and Incubus perform together all in one night. Of course I’m into some great newer bands too and I don’t actually wish music stopped after 2002, but man was I obsessed with music back then.

Here’s a look back at some favorites...

Smashing Pumpkins – This was the first concert I ever attended (7^th grade), my notebooks were filled with the SP heart logo

Bush – Gavin Rossdale was so hot.  Plus my dad earned major cool points when he came home with Sixteen Stone for me.

Cake – I was just plain obsessed with Cake and probably listened to Fashion Nugget more than any other CD I’ve ever owned.

 Incubus – man did I have a thing for Brandon Boyd, plus I thought their music was like nothing I’d ever heard before.

No Doubt – Gwen Stefani was the coolest girl on the planet when Tragic Kingdom came out.

Goldfinger – this was the first "real" concert (aka first non-arena concert) I went to in high school. I came home with a lot of bruises but loved every minute of it.

 Nirvana – I was just so grunge in 7^th grade with my flannel shirts and Kurt Cobain poster above my bed. I had the Unplugged in New York guitar book which I spent hours trying to master, I’m sure to the dismay of my parents’ ears.

Blink 182 – They haven’t exactly stood the test of time since I currently find it hard to listen to their 3 chords, but they played a huge role during my high school days. Dude Ranch was on constant repeat in my Eclipse. I have the best memories going to their concerts with Liz, Jeff, and Tom.

Weezer – The Buddy Holly video is still one of the best music videos ever made. Having been to a show just last year, I can say they’ve still got it.

Sublime – I knew every word of every song on the self-titled album. This guy who liked me Freshman year of high school used to write me notes with Sublime lyrics in them. <<Swoon>>

Foo Fighters – a quintessential alternative rock band, and one time I touched Dave Grohl.

Dashboard Confessional – majorly on the emo side of this music spectrum but who else could scream/sing about our feelings better than Chris Carrabba? When they first came on the radio, Tim used to roll down his car windows anytime Dashboard was on and blare it as loud as possible so that he could, as he called it, “advertise” the band.

There are so many more, but these are the ones that first popped into my head.

Not to mention some of the one-hit (or a couple more) wonders that never got old: Marcy Playground, Toadies, the Verve, Silverchair, Tonic, Harvey Danger, Gravity Kills, Nada Surf, Semisonic, Wheatus.

Yeah, there were some mistakes during that era: Creed, Sugar Ray, Moby, Nickelback, Smash Mouth, Limp Bizkit. Ok, BIG mistakes. But I’m willing to overlook them for the majority of awesomeness from bands during that time.

So who were your biggest music influences during your teen years/early 20s?  I’m sure I’m forgetting some good ones and would love to reminisce with you and/or tell you how I have better taste in music than you do.




This list and this one may help jog your memory for some old favorites...

RIP North Face Jacket

Well a tragic thing happened to me about a week ago. I was trying to leave the house to go do all the really important things that I do on a daily basis.  I slipped on my North Face jacket and as I zipped it up the zipper disintegrated right in my hands.  

I was super bummed but for the most part impressed when I realized how long this jacket has lasted. I got it either Junior or Senior year of high school which means it’s at least 10 years old. After college I bought myself a more grownup primary coat since I’m a professional. Don’t argue, I am so professional. However, my North Face jacket has still been perfect for casual occasions and to wear to bars without having to worry about it getting spilled on (or more likely, me spilling on it). I suppose I could get the zipper replaced but at this point it’s probably just best to move on.

So here’s to you, ubiquitously standard North Face fleece: 

No jacket could have looked better with my Abercrombie sweater, Tiffany heart tag bracelet, and Silver jeans. Unlike you and your brood, I know Dave Matthews Band sucks, however, we still got along famously over the years. Thank you for being comfy, and warm, as well as being the only article of clothing I didn’t feel extreme anxiety over when touching any surface at Kams. Enjoy your retirement, I’ll never forget the times we spent together.

What Were Their Parents Thinking?

I’d like to thank my parents for giving me a name that I’m happy to have for my entire life. Lauren Rose Walker may not be the most unique name but it’s pretty and I like it. According to this website, Lauren means “crowned with Laurel.” Go find out what your name means if you don’t already know. My parents’ second choice name for me was Nicole which, again, isn’t too exciting but perfectly acceptable. My parents didn’t really have much of a choice with my brother. I mean, when you already have three Charles Verne Walkers how could you not add a fourth?

The point is, my parents aren’t mean or batshitcrazy unlike some parents out there who have punished their children for their entire lives by giving them unbelievably awful names. We’ve probably heard some of the terrible celebrity baby names out there, for example:

Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee)

Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson)

Moxie CrimeFighter (Penn Jillette)

Kyd (David Duchovny and Tea Leoni)

Moon Unit (Frank Zappa)

Naming your baby isn’t some fun game where you start just putting random letters together and see what sounds the most gag inducing. Or you just name them the first thing that pops into your line of vision (looking at you Gwyneth Paltrow). We are talking about naming a human being who has to introduce themselves by this name to every person they talk to for their entire existence.

Teaching and working in Higher Ed for the last 5 ½ years, I’ve heard my share of horrendous names. I always say I’m going to write them down and keep a running list but unfortunately I haven’t done that, so I’m sure I’m forgetting some real winners. But I’m going to try to remember some of the absolute worst to share with you and I’ll add to the list as I think of more.

Chanel  (not entirely bad on it’s own, but add in the fact she has a brother named Stetson, and   yes it was intentional to name them after perfume and cologne)

Dorcus (What, Nerdface was already taken? Why would you wish this upon your baby girl?)

Tuesday Birdock (really, we can’t do better than naming a baby after a day of the week? Plus the word  ‘bird’ is in there so it makes it even worse)

Ramen Benyamen (just say it outloud and try not to laugh or think of noodles)

Parris Harris (my most recent addition to the list and my current fave)

Plus my all time favorite worst first name, contributed by Olivia: AlPacino (no space, capital ‘A’ and ‘P’, this is what some crazy person named their child).

I’m sure you’ve encountered some unfortunate names along the way, so let’s hear them!